Now and Forward
by ChronoBlader
Summary: Following a vivid dream, Cross wakes up to find his Team Leader with him. Although enjoying her company, his thoughts return to his dream and what it means. He tells Elma his dream and their discussion about it leads to a new unexpected info that leaves Cross in shock.


**A/N:Hello everyone. For this story, I'm using my own personal Avatars, Cross and Saori, for this fic. This fic includes a OC from one of my previous fics though the name is only a passing mention. Still, I wanted to state this to avoid confusion. That's it. I hope you enjoy the story.**

* * *

" _...Where am I?"_

 _This is…...Nothing…... Just darkness all around me. An endless void as far as I can see. I look to myself and I see to where I'm standing. Again, just darkness. Nothing for me to stand on. I walk forward, realizing that I can still take solid steps. Moving onward seems to be one of my only options. With no destination in mind, I decided to walk. My senses still seem to work. I can hear every step I take and feel the ground below me. Strange….._

 _I walk for what seems like a few minutes. My environment never changing. Not a slightest difference in this darkened world. Just what is this I wonder. Where in the world was I?_

" _Huh?"_

 _I raise my head and concentrate my eyes to see a light ahead. Feint but bright and seems a good distance away from me. For some reason, I find it compelling. Not for the reason because it stands out from this dark place I reside in but instead because of something else entirely. It feels special to me for some reason….. I want to take it with my own hands. I press my body to go on. My walk quickly turns into a run. The gap between myself and the light slowly closing. I reach out my hand, ready to grab it. Before I know it, it shines, blinding me. Still, my hand is reached out…._

I open my eyes to see Mira's blue sky. My hand in place on where the sun sits above. Was that a dream? What was that light? Why did I have a dream like that in the first place? While busy with my thoughts, I notice that my hand is still outstretched. Feeling a bit defeated, I slowly let my hand fall back to the ground with a sigh. That's what I thought would happen. Instead another hand caught my own. Looking to see who did this, I catch sight of a face that I could never forget.

* * *

"Hey there, Cross"

"Elma...:"

Elma, my team leader, a Xeno who came to save Humanity from an outside alien battle and…my lover…Her white skin seems to glow under the sun's rays. Her hair flowing with the breeze. She gives me the smile I've come to adore.

"Honestly, I come out here to the residential district only to find you sleeping at the park. Is the barrack's bed and couches not working for you?"

"Oh! Well, I just felt like coming here for today." I say sheepishly. As I say that however, I finally notice that my head is laying on her lap. She doesn't have to do this. Though it does feel nice…..

She sets down my hand on my chest and readjusts herself.

"Is that so? Well it is a nice day out today." She says while looking at our surroundings. "I hope you don't mind that I have you on my lap like this. My time among you had me learn that this is a common activity among couples."

"I don't mind at all." At all. "The grass WAS getting a little itchy."

*Chuckle* " Well, I'm glad I can provide you with some comfort."

Elma proceeds to play with my white hair. My distinctive hair strand being a favorite target. Carefully parting my bangs and straightening my locks. This is kind of embarrassing seeing as we're in a public place. Yet it feels so pleasant that I quickly return that thought to the back of my mind.

This….this is nice. The Ganglion defeated, the lifehold secured, us Humans beginning to prosper here and here I am, enjoying this peace. Hearing the interactions between us Humans and our Xeno allies, feeling the cool wind blowing while resting underneath the sun. The one I love caressing my head only makes this feeling even better.

However, no matter how tranquil I feel, my thoughts return to that dream and what to make of it.

Thinking back on it, this is the first dream I had in awhile and one I've experienced so vividly. I've had a few dreams here and there but this one I remember so clearly. The amount of dreams I've been having has actually increased ever since we found the lifehold two months ago. The lifehold…we were able to make biological bodies for our minds to reside in but the central frame holding the rest of the white whale's passengers conscious was destroyed. Maybe finding out about all of that has something to do with me having more dreams…..

Ugh, I'm most likely just overthinking this but it just keeps itching at me.

"Cross?"

Her voice broke me out of my thoughts. I was so preoccupied with them that I forgot she was here. I look up to see her worry-ridden face looking down at me.

"Is everything alright?

Usually, couples in this scenario would give each other false reassurance. To tell each other that everything's fine and that there was nothing wrong at all.

I don't need any of that. Nor do I want to give it.

Elma and I are too close to each other for us to give other something as fake as that.

I sit up and I tell her how I really feel.

"Not really….. I mean I'M fine but there is something that's bothering me"

"Oh? What's on your mind?

"Well I had a dream just now…" I started off. "And what made it different from others was that I felt like I was like really experiencing it. Do you know what I mean?"

Elma nods. She's listening earnestly and I'm glad she's catching on. I'm not really proud of my ability to describe situations and all that.

I continued. Telling her every detail of my dream. From waking up in a world full of nothing to the bright light at the end.

"And that's when I woke up and why my hand was in the air."

Elma's eyes were closed. Taking in everything I just said.

"That certainly sounds peculiar" She says with her hand on her chin.

"Yeah kind of an understatement."

Elma gives an exasperated smile at my comment. As said by Lin, I have no "head-to-mouth filter." I always say what's on my mind. I'm glad my team isn't fed up with me by now because of it. Elma giving me that smile reassures me that she used to my remarks by now.

But getting back on topic…

"Having a vivid dream like that is sometimes a result of a life-changing event or influx of memories. Cross…...do you think what happened at the lifehold is the cause of your dream?"

I look away, a pained look on my face.

"That's….what I've been thinking…."

For some reason, it hurts to talk about this. This isn't like me at all. I usually always bare it out but this topic is so hard to talk about.

"I've been having…..dreams... ever since finding the Lifehold two months ago. The one I just had being the most vivid one. Thing is, I don't know why I'm having these Dreams. The revelation that our bodies were gone got me but I was able to come to terms with it. Besides, We were still able to make new ones. Despite all the….ethical circumstances against nature involved. I'm glad to be back in flesh and blood. So nothing really comes to my mind when it comes to the direct cause of my dreams.

"..."

She was silent. And that's usually always bad. She was facing downward, eyes closed. Does...she know something I don't?

"Elma….Is there something else I don't know.?"

She flinches, eyes opening and quickly looks away.

"Elma! There's something after all!?"

She sighs "...Yes"

"..."

I was left silent for a moment. As if I was preparing myself for this new information. I feel like….I'm not going to like this. Even so, I…

"Elma…..."

I calm my voice down and she looks at me once I say her name. That look in her eyes. I know it all too well. They're full of worry. Just like before she showed us her True Form. What she's always about to say is going hard for her. But, judging how things led up to this point, that look of worry isn't for herself, but for me. What I'm about to hear will be difficult for me to swallow.

"You know me Elma. I'm not shy on the truth. I'd rather have cruel honesty then a kind lie. I want to know what you have to say. Please….Tell me."

I say all this with utmost sincerity. Her look changes for a bit. Still full of worry but now with a tinge of resolution.

"...Cross, you know what happened at the lifehold mainframe."

I stayed silent and nodded. How could I forgot.

"The things is… you don't truly know how or when it was destroyed…."

My eyes flare up.

"W-what do you mean? It was damaged by the Ganglion during the battle wasn't it?"

Elma grimaced. "That was the General Consensus and what we thought happened….but we ran a few calculations and discovered that wasn't the case."

I stayed silent, signaling to her to continue. Urging her. I could see some hesitation on her part but she came through.

"...The mainframe was destroyed not during the battle, but when we crash landed on Mira."

"!T-then that means…"

"That's right. All those minds recorded were gone the day we arrived here. That includes yours."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing just now. If that's the case then I….I!

"When I find you and Saori." Elma continued. "You two should've never been able to get up."

Each word she says hits me like a bullet.

"Cross, your consciousness was erased."

…..

"Ha…...ha ha ha. I-i see. so that's how it is."

Why am I laughing

"..."

"Well that is certainly is some news! Maybe that was the cause of my dreams!"

Why am I smiling.

"Thanks Elma. For telling me! I'm glad I know the truth. Haha!"

Stop, you Idiot!

"Cross...You're shaking."

I get out of my laughing fit and take a while to examine myself. I look at my hands to see that, yes, they were shaking. My whole body was. I get out of my coping mechanism and form a frown on my face. I bring my hands to my temples. My shaking body never losing a beat. My breathing becomes jagged. I feel the sun's rays being warmer, the cool breeze becoming colder, the grass feeling irritating. Just who…. Just who…

*Pat*

Hands meeting my shoulder brings me back into reality. I look up to see Elma. Seeing her face already provides a small sense of comfort.

"Who-" I started but difficulty. 'Who am I even?"

"You're Cross." she began without hesitation. "A survivor of the Human Race, Member of Blade, a trustworthy comrade, a precious friend and also…."

She leans her face to mine and in that moment our lips meet.I'm surprised at first before closing my eyes, resigning myself to the pleasure. I return the kiss. Feeling her warm skin against mine, I immediately feel my body stop shaking. Her smell, a touch of lavender, graces my nose. What stayed like this for what seemed like minutes but in reality, just around twenty seconds. When she pulled away, I felt sadness, wanting just a little more. I slowly open her eyes to her smile. My God her smile, I guess this what a person in love must feel like.

"The one that I love." she finishes.

I-I was left speechless. I'm usually the one providing comfort to others. Although, even in this moment of serenity. I can't just forget what I've heard.

"But…"

"No buts."

I was immediately silenced. Elma positioned her way behind me and got back on her knees. She gently took my head and laid it on her lap. She proceeded again to play with my hair.

"Elma, I…."

"I know how you're feeling Cross and I understand. But now you should understand this. Don't lose the value on who you are now. Who you were may be gone or maybe you could be the same still now, but take pride in the present.

"..."

"I know you may want to find out who you were before and I'll gladly help you in that endeavor. But please don't let it consume you. Remember that you have now to live in and the future to look forward too."

….She's right. I want to know about my past. Although, I shouldn't discard what I am now.

I give out a long sigh, "Right…. Of course."

I look up at her and give a smile and she returns it in kind. Just a few words and a action to put her at ease.

"Does Saori know?" I ask.

Elma nodded. "Irina and Gwin went out to tell her."

'That's good."

"Hopefully she'll be alright.'

"Don't worry, she will. I know so. Although, she might cry a little bit, knowing her."

"Mmm."

I then proceeded to close my eyes. Wanting just a few moments of silence to collect myself. Elma quietly agrees and stops from playing with my hair to enjoy the surroundings.

My senses seem to have come back to normal. The breeze isn't too cold anymore and the grass becoming comfortable once again. Heh, Elma always has a knack of calming me down like this.

We enjoyed the relative peace for a few minutes more. Elma's voice breaking the silence with a question.

"You know Cross, I think I may have a theory on what your dream might've been about."

"Oh?I was honestly thinking back to it just now. So, what is it."

She returns from leaning on one arm to having both hands on my head. Ah….Were they always this warm.

"I was thinking that the black world you found yourself in was a sign of your past memories and old life." She started. " You walking around aimlessly with no idea why you were there means the loss of your past life."

Listening intently, I started agreeing with her.

"The light you saw is the life you have now."

!

"The light signified the people you know now, the accomplishments you've achieved, the way of life you want to protect and the future you want to move forward to. That's you ran towards it. You wanted to grab it with your own hands."

Finishing her theory, she gives a satisfied smile. Not wanting to keep her waiting, I tell her my thoughts.

"That sounds incredibly cheesy."

"Haha! How did I know you were going to say that?" She says, giving a giggle.

I smile. "But it being cheesy doesn't mean it's bad. I actually like it. I think….that IS what it means."

"That/s good to hear."

I motion my head to meet her eyes.

'The light was really bright. I guess that means I have hope for the future." I bring my hand to her cheek, cupping it. "And it's all thanks to you."

I give her one of my sincerest smiles. "Thank you Elma. For waking me up that day."

She grabs my hand and squeezes it. Her eyes radiating from her loving face doting a smile. She leans down, wanting a kiss.

Well then….Let's make this one memorable.

….

"Hey!"

Just before our lips meet, a voice screams out, grabbing our attention.

We turned our heads to the direction the voice was heard. In the distance, we see a familiar military cut and bobbed hairstyle.

"Elma! Cross!"

Doug and Lin were making our way towards us. Lin waving her hand while running.

I sigh. They couldn't have picked a worst moment to ruin. I sat up and put my hand up in acknowledgement.

"Hey you two." I say.

"Man, we were looking everywhere for you." Doug states

I raise an eyebrow. "You need me for something?"

"Oh uh, Lunch is ready. So we came looking for you." Lin, for some reason, frantically tells me.

"Lunch? It's kinda late for that. Plus you could've just called me on my comm device."

"Oh! Uhhh, you weren't picking up that's why!" Doug says while scratching the back of his head.

"Yeah Yeah! Also, I was busy during noon so I made lunch now.

"Hmmmm. Is that so." These two were acting really suspicious. I take a glance behind me and notice giggling to herself. Ok, that's even more suspicious. Does she know what's going one? Well, whatever. I'm hungry and that's what matters right now.

I get up. "Alright, Food would be great right now."

Elma also gets up and we all start walking back to the barracks. I match my pace with Doug.

"Doug, you really live up to your nickname of Doug "Cockblock" Barrett."

'Wha?"

I sigh. I can't believe how oblivious he is to being a moment killer.

I look over my shoulder to see Lin talking to Elma. Her attempt at a hush voice failing.

"What took you so long!? Everything was ready an hour ago!

"Haha. I'm sorry Lin."

"I saw what you two were doing! You just had to get him and bring him back but noooo, you two had to go all lovey-dovey. Geez… you lovebirds."

"Hey. I said I was sorry."

Hmmmm? What's ready over an hour ago? Just what is going on?

* * *

We made it to the administrative district. Not too far from the barracks.

Walking through Blade Concourse, we spotted a few familiar faces.

"Hey!" Gwin yells. Waving his hand in the air.

Saori, Gwin and Irina were heading towards from Armory Alley. Gwin and Saori were holding hands. Heh, good to see.

We close the distance just before the barracks. I see that Saori's eyes were red. Irina and Gwin told her the news.

Doug starts "Good job finding her you two."

"No problem. She was at her favorite yogurt place" Irina states.

"Heh. Glad she was easy to find, unlike this guy right here." Lin, thrusting her thumb my direction, tells the other group.

"Hey. Well now you know where to find me when I want to take a nap somewhere other than the barracks" I say."

Saori rolls her eyes. "Of course, you were taking a nap."

We all share a laugh. Yes yes. Laugh it up. Don't judge me. I like naps.

After the laughter dies down, Gwin's the first to talk.

"Man, I hope you two are ready for the sur- *muffle*"

"He means ready for the food. I heard Lin cooked something different this time around."

Irina covers Gwin's mouth while speaking her piece. Them too huh?

Gwin recovers."Oh yeah! That's right! The food."

Doug sighs, Lin facepalms and Elma brings her fingers to her temples.

"Well, let's not stay waiting you guys! Lin's cooking awaits! Doug exclaims as he leads us towards the barracks."

I fall behind though. Wanting to talk to Saori.

"You alright?"

"Huh. Oh yeah. I'm fine."

"So you heard."

Surprised, she looks at me. "You know too?"

I nod "Elma told me."

"Ah. Then are you gonna be ok?' She returns my question back to me.

I smile."Mmhmm. Don't worry. We'll get over this. Let's enjoy the present."

"You got it partner." She states proudly, returning the smile.

I start grinning. "That's what I like to hear partner."

* * *

The elevator dings to signal us that we arrived to our floor of the barracks.

The door opens and we're greeted by a darkened room and the smell of food.

We start walking out.

"It smells delicious, Lin." Saori tells to her.

"Yup. You guys are gonna enjoy this!" She says, practically bouncing.

Good. Food awaits.

We start to pass by the corner and we were greeted by a surprise. Literally.

"SURPRISE!"

"Wha?"

All of our party members were here and the barracks were decorated with birthday decorations.

A large banner was hung up that read "Happy Birthday Cross and Saori!"

At the kitchen there was a buffet just waiting to be eaten and the debriefing area is filled with gifts.

Besides our party members, there's also multiple others. Vandham, Rock with a giant birthday hat in the hangers. Tora, The Prone Chieftain and his son, Slavity and her squad, Mathias with Aisha, Hope's friend Ada, Kristy and Tobias, Leroy and Lavina, Arya from the Diner, Erio and Lyvia, Tan'celeg and Tence'leg, Nemard and his wife Enneana, Ackwar, Jalimbo, Moimoi and Muimui, Mika and Camber, Gi Zang, Even Director Chausson, Ga Jiarg and Ga Buidhe!

Saori and I were both perplexed. I looked at our group and they were smiling with the rest.

Breaking out of my stupor, I ask "Birthday?"

Elma the one who answers. "That's right. It's been a whole year since I found you two at Starfall Basin. Seeing as how you both don't remember your birthdays. We decided to make today that special day."

"Yeah! Happy Birthday!" Lin chimes in.

Saori and I were out of words. She was even starting to tear up a bit. Even I was feeling a bit emotional. Who wouldn't be in this situation?

"I…..I don't know what to say."

"We're speechless."

Frye being Frye, told us what we should do.

"You don't have to say anything! Just get over here and enjoy!"

Saori and I give each other a look and nod.

"You got it." We both say

"Oh yeah! Let's get this party started!" Yelv being the bro he is, yelled out.

We then joined the crowd.

We were immediately met with hugs and congratulations and the party went into full swing.

The food was being depleted, drinks were passed out, conversations were happening and overall, everyone was having a good time.

I look over to Saori and see that she was giving Gwin a huge hug. Woah now, Saori. Don't choke him.

Amidst the fervor, I felt a hand meet mine.

I turned my head to my left to see Elma standing there, smiling at me.

I look at her and I look at everyone around me. Yeah…..I'll be alright.

I shouldn't be brooding. The time to look into my past will come later.

For now, it's time to enjoy the present and look towards the future.

Now and forward.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading.**


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